Fear Cannot Follow Us into The Light

I remember the darkness enveloping the sky as I was coming home from a full day at one of my favorite amusement parks with a friend. I was far from home, and the only thing familiar were the white lines staring back at me from the highway I was on.

It was raining. Pouring. Storming. And soon, the only thing I could see were the white lines. But barely.

I remember being scared. I was driving the car I’d always had, but my surroundings became so unreliable and treacherous that I began to lose faith.

Faith in myself.
Trust in my vehicle.
Hope that the storm will cease.

I was on a part of a major highway under construction, leaving minimal room for error. I had no option but to drive through until I could get off safely. I know you shouldn’t get upset when you’re under pressure, but I had so many emotions running through my head. As I tried to remain steady, the tears of fear that began to form didn’t help the already dicey road conditions outside my windshield.

If that day were to be my last, would I have been proud of the life I had lived? I still hadn’t fallen in love. I had so much of the world left to explore. My full potential hadn’t yet been reached. I wasn’t always the best version of myself. Regret for my past and sorrow for my future invaded my mind simultaneously as I gripped the steering wheel.

Back to the road. 

I tell myself to focus on the few inches in front of me. Both my friend and I are visibly distressed at this point. I feel like I’m on a never-ending stretch of road married to a perpetual dark storm cloud. I didn’t think it could get any darker, but it did. Staying in my lane felt like a game rigged against me. Maybe if I could follow the car in front of me, I’d have something to dial in on. But there were no cars in front of mine. Only behind me until they passed, like driving in thunderstorms on roads full of construction was an everyday occurrence for them.

As I kept moving along the best I could, I started to come up on a vehicle that wasn’t trying to pass me. It was a classic white work van. Usually parked, these are the vehicles I’m programmed to avoid as a woman, but in this particular moment, I only wanted to get closer. It helped significantly to have a set of tail lights to guide me through the darkness. As I inched closer, I could keep speed with the van a safe length ahead of me.

I know I said I couldn’t see much during this drive home, but what I saw next was so clear that I would never forget it.

On the back of the van I was following were two words–

“Follow Me”

The peace that came from reading this was immediate. A sense of calm relaxed my shoulders and made itself comfortable in my back seat for the remainder of my drive home. I continued to do as the van instructed until we met a safer, less constraining part of the highway.

According to the GPS, we were approaching the exit that would take us home. And according to the skies, the storm was lightening up. I was still following the van when I came up on my exit. It continued straight as I got off. But that was okay because I could see the road clearly now. The rain had let up, and the white lines were visible as they guided me again.

If I didn’t follow that van that night, I’m not sure what would have happened, but I’m convinced that this encounter has a much deeper meaning. One that has stayed with me through the years.

We will often walk through trials where we’re unable to see what’s right in front of us. Nights cloaked in so much darkness, we’re fearful that the sun might never rise to meet it. But it’s in these moments of obsercuity, that we’re given the most clarity. What seems like a black hole to our flesh can become a much needed pause to refocus on the reassurance of Christ.

In Isaiah 42:16, we’re given a description of the confidence God provides us as His children–

“I will lead the blind by ways they have not known,

    along unfamiliar paths I will guide them;

I will turn the darkness into light before them

    and make the rough places smooth.

These are the things I will do;

    I will not forsake them.”

It’s evident who we should choose to lean on as we endure times of darkness we can’t grasp or comprehend. But even darkness cannot cross it’s appointed boundaries. God knows when our hardships will end– for His light is the greatest conqueror of suffering.

Furthermore, as I was following the van that night, I was reminded of the story of Jesus. Specifically in John 8:12, as the Pharisees are trying to trap Jesus in hopes of accusing Him and in attempt to dispute His testimony. It’s in the same moment that Jesus is surrounded by His adversaries. that He gives a message that has spoken truth for over 2000 years–

“I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”

Jesus wants us follow Him today just as much as He wanted those whom He spoke over– including His enemies– to follow Him back in Jerusalem. When we make the decision to step into a life with Jesus, He is the One to light our paths.

Following Jesus isn’t always going to be easy, but what He provides is more than enough. He supplies us with comfort, steadiness, and reliance that can only be found in Him. As much as I thank God for the comfort I found from the white van on my route that night, I’ve come to appreciate His incomprehensible love even more. It was a powerful reminder that God provides direction and peace to those who follow Him. He sent His Son as an atonement to bear the burden and stain of my sins so that I would no longer fear death when it comes.

There is nothing too dark in this life that God’s love can’t illuminate. As it is written, “God is light; in Him, there is no darkness at all” (1 John 1:5). When our fears try to make us unsuspecting victims, let us be reminded that they all fall in the presence of the Lord.